musical love

"You love love love when you know I cant love."

I attended the of monsters and men concert with mr tavis last night. 
It did not disapoint.
Sometimes I would give anything to be the in the head of my favorite artist. 
Mainly just to see what inspired their lyrics. 
Tomorrow is the ONE AND ONLY boniver again. 
Anyone who wants to get me outta the house, just know I will drop about anything for a good concert. 
Cant wait to see Justin again. His version of blood banks mind blowing.
He is still and always has been my very favorite.
Need proof he is a rockstar?
just watch this....

Happy memorial day

I hope everyones long weekend was wonderful! 
The three of us enjoyed a simple yet activity filled weekend! 
heres the highlights via instagram


if today were truth day....

"I'm looking for a place to start 
And everything feels so different now. 
Just grab a hold of my hand 
I will lead you through this wonderland. 
Water up to my knees 
But sharks are swimming in the sea. 
Just follow my yellow light 
And ignore all those big warning signs. "

If today...
I were chasing pavement
I am not sure where it would lead but, maybe it would bring me to you.
If today was truth day
Id confess, I think that parts forever froze
If you asked me to be honest
Id let the wall down and say I'm scared. 
I am so afraid its paralyzing.  
Despite what I try or who I talk to, its just different now.  My world, my perspective its changed. I am angry about it at times. I feel like I am in this unforgiving cycle, one I never asked for. I pep talk myself, I'm fine, I am... I honestly can say I am a happy person. I laugh more than most people and see beauty in the simple things. My life is better in so many ways than I ever thought it could be. I have so many things ahead and opportunity to grow, along with two littles who were tailor made for me. But here I am, just ...sad at times. I'm colder than before, I feel robbed of my rose colored hue. Why is it that even though I am surrounded by amazing friends I feel completely alone, so much so that it echos. Its heavy here, when I feel like this. What I want, I feel is tainted for keeps.  I wont ever give in like that again, I wont ever cave...Its wrong to feel this way, its not fair. I have tried to make efforts and the more I try, the more detached I become. Its the after effect I didn't see coming.
If today were truth day,
 Id admit this is far heavier than I would ever like to post,
this is way to much information.
I'll spare you the details
But I speak about being raw, so here it is.... I think I'm broken. 
I don't want to be
but I am.
The ideal isn't for me.
I am learning to be okay with that.
If today you saw my eyes,
They would be the same as before.
I am my own biggest enemy

this is nothing more than a moment. 
I am just fine.

laughing out lol

You know that moment when you feel like someone finally gets you. 
Its rather nice to be understood.....
My mornings been filled with outburst of laughter
Happy Saturday. 



haters welcome

Blanket for three, with a view please

I have so many fun picnics planned for my littles this summer! 
There is nothing like driving up the canyon
 singing the head and the heart 
and finding the perfect spot for having dinner.


cold feet

I cant do it, I try but, I cant...
To much information, maybe...


Tis monday

rule #371 of a lady
Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose.


constant battle

I am a walking contradiction. 
I am simple yet, so very complicated. I like to think that makes me interesting to some degree but, sometimes it just makes me feel crazy. Im hungry...scratch that, I am starving. Constantly craving something new, something better, anything that will further project the way I see the world and how I photograph it. I understand myself well, I feel like I have a good grip and I have come to terms with the fact I will never win this battle. I will never be content, ever. In some areas of life this isn't a positive trait but in my little world of cameras and words, its a good thing.  Makes me hair pulling crazy but its good. I am no where near the goals I have for myself. Not even close. But that nagging little voice I am constantly battling with assures me, I fight because I need to be something great. I need to do something beautiful and inspiring. This need can literally bring me to tears of frustration. Wanting to translate your heart and what you love into a photograph isnt a easy task. As long as emotions the center of my image I know I will get there...
Today I felt like I lost the battle and just said to myself, I quit. 
I dont know which way to go, which project to focus on, what I want to implement next. 
So instead, I sat down on my couch and repeated... I quit.
Im done
I quit
I quit 
Which in reality means tomorrow I will try harder. 
These moments are just growing pains.....


stubborn love

I hide here

  The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. 
  The challenge is silencing the mind
     -caroline myss

a look

his big eyes get me every time.


come clean

She is my muse, my sweet heart and my beautiful girl.