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11.27.2012

Do I dare admit

Do I dare admit,
in some ways I have always been wrong.
Off course....
for years I was waiting for something more.
Now here I am, daydreaming
As I often do ....
this person might just be perfect.
Yes, perfect.
Is it wrong to admit I get scared.
Scared of letting someone so close that I could break in thirds or fourths.
It makes my heart race...
I want to hide from it when my sister confirms just how perfect.
I spent so much time running.
It didnt matter where or for how long.
I have already been broken in two
It wasn't me, as much as my expectations....
But he was there, always there.
He would listen and he waited.
I don't know how he did it, I wasn't easy.
For once, my fear is intriguing ... exciting even.
Because I am understood.
Inspired and supported in a way I am not used too. 
The one thing that scares me the most, is the one person that can love me. 
That does love me ... always has.
The more I think about it, the more important it becomes.

Do I dare admit...
I might have finally figured it out.
But that doesn't mean I am not scared.
It doesn't make it easier.
Part of me wants to be this girl who can do it on her own.
I can do it.... 
The other wants to make a safe place for someone else. 
After a year and a half the battles over ...
My mind says "nothing ever really works"
Lets hope I am wrong. 
Because he is the only one, I feel like such a fool.  

B



6 comments:

wrecklessgirl said...

<3 this. love you.

Katie Jo said...

such beauty in your words <3

xo Katie

Sami Jo Photography said...

love this.

{amy k.} said...

love this! i can totally relate to the fear of being understood, inspired and supported when you're not used to it. so scary, and so amazing! so happy for you!

kristy said...

Oh the beauty of vulnerability. Trust in it and love it, little sis!) It's scary and wonderful, as well as a door to truth.

I Read At Night said...

I know I'm going to feel like this when it happens for me. I wish you ALL the Best in this journey and I really want to see you super happy.