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12.19.2012

I would run

Its been awhile since I had a quiet house to myself. 
Alone... 
Just so I can think. 
Its been awhile since I have let my mind just go...run away within itself.
Ive been a little blah these days, maybe its just winter taking its toll on me. 
I have this project I want to do, I hope its as pretty printed as it is in my head. 
There is more to childhood than sidewalk chalk and fruit snacks. 
There is a quietness that gets neglected.
I have a need to photograph stillness.
The wind can blow wild but in those moments, if you can find peace....
its absolutely priceless.
She might not know it fully yet, but she is my best friend.
In those quiet moments with her, I don't see her as a child. 
I see her little spirit. The base that's building her character.
Sometimes the responsibility I feel is overwhelming.
I have the ability to open her eyes, let her learn...
What if I work to much, what if I missed a important moment... what if time just slips past me.
They say fear is a liar but I don't believe that's always true. 
Our nations been buzzing due to the recent trauma in CT. 
I wont lie my heart raced as I sent both my kids off to school Monday morning. 
I asked her if they talked about it in class and she said no. 
So as I explained what happened I watched her eyes grow wide in a sense of panic.
After telling her some things to do in that situation she asked me what I would do. 
I told her I would run. I would run so fast and all she had to do is wait for me.
she smiled and said, I know.
Is it weird to admit I have never been very good at praying. 
I do it often, always have. 
but its strange that I still feel a need to be private with my thoughts, even with god. 
I wonder if he still knows. 

If you can find a path with no obstacles. It probably doesn't lead anywhere.


Typhoon claws part 2
"as long as you're waiting
since you have nothing to do with your hands
you might as well pray
i am no god-fearing man but i am afraid
of something that i cannot quite explain

this marks a vulnerable part of me
i guess it runs in my family
passing the fire down to me
i only fear for my family
i've got it in me
got it in my genes

misery loves company
so careful of the friends you keep

i'm waving the white flag, the fire's ceased
i don't want any enemies"


11.27.2012

Do I dare admit

Do I dare admit,
in some ways I have always been wrong.
Off course....
for years I was waiting for something more.
Now here I am, daydreaming
As I often do ....
this person might just be perfect.
Yes, perfect.
Is it wrong to admit I get scared.
Scared of letting someone so close that I could break in thirds or fourths.
It makes my heart race...
I want to hide from it when my sister confirms just how perfect.
I spent so much time running.
It didnt matter where or for how long.
I have already been broken in two
It wasn't me, as much as my expectations....
But he was there, always there.
He would listen and he waited.
I don't know how he did it, I wasn't easy.
For once, my fear is intriguing ... exciting even.
Because I am understood.
Inspired and supported in a way I am not used too. 
The one thing that scares me the most, is the one person that can love me. 
That does love me ... always has.
The more I think about it, the more important it becomes.

Do I dare admit...
I might have finally figured it out.
But that doesn't mean I am not scared.
It doesn't make it easier.
Part of me wants to be this girl who can do it on her own.
I can do it.... 
The other wants to make a safe place for someone else. 
After a year and a half the battles over ...
My mind says "nothing ever really works"
Lets hope I am wrong. 
Because he is the only one, I feel like such a fool.  

B



11.20.2012

this guy


I am certain mine is more handsome than yours....

11.19.2012

autumn collapsed into winter

 We walk around our little corner of the world as much as possible.
All within a week autumn collapsed into winter.
One day we are enjoying all of autumns litter to find it buried in snow the following day.  
When they are gone for the weekend {as they often are} I find myself editing photos we have taken because I miss them so much.
I don't feel quite normal without our morning routine and even miss the "talking to the walls" at bed time.
It can be chaos but I love the consistency. I am always a little off without them.
"There are two things we should give to our children. One is roots, the other is wings" -


 {"mom I am making my cool face for you... to make your picture look good"}





11.05.2012

leap frog and leaf angels

its the time of year, 
the one to remember and boast all the things you are grateful for.....
I know I have been a little busy and neglected this blog BUT .... 
I have a few post on the way. 
I don't need to say a lot ....
But I am grateful for these two. 
Their smiles and giggles. 
Their willingness to let me work long hours and not complain. 
For the little corner we call home and that, within each season it uncovers a new beauty to enjoy.
I am grateful they are mine because there is no way I could do what I do without these two. 
B