Behind the scenes

This is me ..... 

This is what my world looks like most nights

Its not as glamorous a job as some people think..

I really like this side of my job.

I am fresh out of a hot bath after a bone chilling shoot

Sipping a steaming cup of tea

Listening to this song

No glitz, no fuss, just rocking my PJ's

Only downfalls...

The bright light can be over stimulating and my butts fully numb from sitting so long.... 

ahhh, another lovely Saturday night with me and my mac

side note: if you wanna see what I was working on "LIKE" the blush facebook page.
(hit refresh if it doesnt work the first time)
Ill be posting all the sneak peeks and updates there.



I have always felt like this song was written for me... it is mine.


When I am in a certain mood there are few songs that make me feel calm.  I want to live with purpose and vigor...I refuse to let anything cripple me. I have always openly admitted I have struggled with anxiety. While living in North Carolina as a little girl I couldn't understand what that feeling was. I went through a short phase where I was afraid of traveling far from home. A sense of fear and panic would overwhelm me and I would run so fast my vision went blurry.... I would finally reach my front porch, completely out of breath and magically the sense of panic was gone, I was safe. When living in Missouri I was petrified of tornado's and natural disasters. I was a 10 year old who watched weather channel instead of cartoons, strictly out of fear. I struggled focusing on anything but the topic fueling the anxiety.

 I can look back now and see the pattern. I let my anxiety land on a topic and run wild. There was no traumatic incident in my life or issue that triggered it as a child.... it was just there. I had a safe, stable home with a wonderful God loving family. It wasn't until I got older I began to understand what it was. It had a name.... a label with a definition. With time I learned how to keep it at bay. It was a process and when it was at its peak, very difficult to bare.  But my case, it was never serious enough I needed medication, plus I have never been a fan of being dependent on anything but myself. I find a sense of pride and accomplishment in growing and learning how to handle things on my own. I could work through it, find its roots. I would learn its triggers and how to avoid it escalating. I found my own medications and they do indeed work. I use music, as if it creates a bubble of tranquility where I can slow down and breathe. So when I have those few moments where I feel it in my chest, my mind racing a million miles a hour for no reason at all, but searching for a topic to let my anxiety land on...  I have my remedy. This song is one of them...enjoy


*** Disclaimer: I am not against taking medications for any kind of imbalance. My case is far from extreme and not in need of medical attention. Please do not take offense to this post. I am not belittling what is such a serious issue for some people.  


Still one of my favorite music videos ever... I absolutely adore this song.

 A gift from me to you, happy tuesday


... You are welcome 


Kitkats 8th Birthday

Its strange to be a mom of a eight year old. When your first child reaches these milestones you start thinking, MAN I am old. I am thankful for everything she has taught me and one day when I really am old... I think we will be the best of friends. 
Kaitlyn loves music, boys and is really looking forward to high school....(eek)
She's opinionated and willing to debate if needed just like her mama 
 But mostly she is sassy and sweet all in one beautiful little package. 
Happy 8th birthday baby girl. 
We love you

xoxo B


Twigs the timid pup

We love her even though she gets car sick and refuses to stick her head out the window. I tried to make her try it.... and I am sure I looked like a fool in the process but she isnt the type of dog who likes the wind in her fur. It felt like spring yesterday and we took full advantage of the sunshine. 
We took a walk and played fetch at the park. 
It was a happy day



With this bright of hair....
There is no introduction needed

The first night I cried, and to say I cried is a major understatement. In all honesty, I had a melt down and couldn't sleep. I got up a million times during the night to go look in the mirror and see that my hair was indeed Flaming red. (creepy compulsive ..I know) The next day I shot a wedding and my clients didn't recognize me. It made me a little uneasy because every reaction I had got from friends and clients was ...WHOA . Then yesterday we were invited to dinner with my in laws and I wasn't wanting to go. I knew my hair wouldn't slide under the radar. In fact my brother in law shook my hand at dinner and introduced himself being funny :)
I started to feel like I had a flashing neon sign above my head.
But Finally today I woke up and really liked it.

We all know the rule, never make drastic hair changes if its emotionally driven or you haven't thought it through. I have been talking for the last year about going RED. So when I found myself after a long week with a free afternoon, I made a last minute appointment. I had very dark hair and never go far outside my comfort zone. So to get the red hair I wanted, I knew I would have to bleach the heck out of it....AND we did. 
7 hours later I was officially a red head. The plan is to lighten it again but my poor hair needed a break.     
Its VERY different and will be fun to play a new role.
 For the first time in my life I am not the brunette.
 Thankfully Steven doesn't like it, he loves it.
But enough talking about my hair..