Tree of life

Tonight is another sleepless night...

I watched a little netflixs
I wrote in my journal
and figured Id blog.

Tree of life is honestly one of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen. There is so much symbolism in it, I feel like I need to go watch it again to full wrap my mind around everything it has to offer. Its a story made up with very few words, which is something I really appreciated. Not only was it visually stimulating, but I left feeling inspired and semi sad. Sadden by the fact I feel like I haven't full reached my potential in a lot of areas in my life and yet, I felt inspired in the things I am capable of. There were so many scenes my heart sank a little bit. I struggle to walk a thin line of being a mother and work. Why is it, we guilt ourselves into thinking we are failing by having to play both roles. There are a few scenes where mrs obrien and her son are in the yard playing with a wooden Noah's ark, I don't know why those few mins caused a little ache. I feel like I am always on the go, run, run, run... meanwhile my children's childhood is flying past me. I am openly baby hungry, some days I am thankful that my kids are in the easier stages, but other moments I long for a redo. Maybe I just long for a simpler way to BE. I want to smell the Johnson and Johnson on their fuzzy heads, I want to start fresh, wipe it all fresh. I was showing off kitkat and billy via my old blog the other day and it hit me like a ton of bricks how easily these years have passed. Its a different ball game working as much as I do and being a full time mommy... I try to remember even the quintessence family isnt always what it seems.

I love them so very much.
xoxo B

 kitkat when she was 3

 B man when he was 6 months


Cassie said...

This post gave me goosebumps. I feel that way too sometimes, I think we all do. But when I stop to think about what I'm doing (raising little humans) I can feel the power behind it, the power behind me, reminding me that even when I don't feel like I'm enough, there is someone to make sure I am. Plus some.

Crystal said...

I like that the trailer had no words. beautiful. I will netflix this.

Adam, Julianne, & Michael said...

It's way easier to regret our mistakes than to remember all the good things we do for our children. There is only room for one of those things, don't let it be regret. You are a great mommy (and I don't even know you). Your children will gain so much strength from seeing how hard you work for them and realize that you did all you could, even if it wasn't easy or fun for you, to be the best mom you could, which is a great one. There are so many doors yet to be opened for you, so don't lose faith that you will able to cradle a baby again. Our heavenly father has a perfect plan for you and your two sweeties and that's all that matters. :)