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3.24.2011

Fire

I have always felt like this song was written for me... it is mine.


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When I am in a certain mood there are few songs that make me feel calm.  I want to live with purpose and vigor...I refuse to let anything cripple me. I have always openly admitted I have struggled with anxiety. While living in North Carolina as a little girl I couldn't understand what that feeling was. I went through a short phase where I was afraid of traveling far from home. A sense of fear and panic would overwhelm me and I would run so fast my vision went blurry.... I would finally reach my front porch, completely out of breath and magically the sense of panic was gone, I was safe. When living in Missouri I was petrified of tornado's and natural disasters. I was a 10 year old who watched weather channel instead of cartoons, strictly out of fear. I struggled focusing on anything but the topic fueling the anxiety.

 I can look back now and see the pattern. I let my anxiety land on a topic and run wild. There was no traumatic incident in my life or issue that triggered it as a child.... it was just there. I had a safe, stable home with a wonderful God loving family. It wasn't until I got older I began to understand what it was. It had a name.... a label with a definition. With time I learned how to keep it at bay. It was a process and when it was at its peak, very difficult to bare.  But my case, it was never serious enough I needed medication, plus I have never been a fan of being dependent on anything but myself. I find a sense of pride and accomplishment in growing and learning how to handle things on my own. I could work through it, find its roots. I would learn its triggers and how to avoid it escalating. I found my own medications and they do indeed work. I use music, as if it creates a bubble of tranquility where I can slow down and breathe. So when I have those few moments where I feel it in my chest, my mind racing a million miles a hour for no reason at all, but searching for a topic to let my anxiety land on...  I have my remedy. This song is one of them...enjoy

B

*** Disclaimer: I am not against taking medications for any kind of imbalance. My case is far from extreme and not in need of medical attention. Please do not take offense to this post. I am not belittling what is such a serious issue for some people.  

5 comments:

Amanda said...

brooke, this is a subject i am very passionate about. i too had anxiety. out of nowehere is began to run my life. i was living in constant fear of....nothing. i am a very laid back and relaxed person so this was completely out of character for me to feel this way. i went to the doctor and also did not want to get on medication. i did some research and ultimately ended up giving up caffeine. i am happy to say i have been off any sort of caffeine for over a year and am completely anxiety free. except when there is something going on that would obviously cause me anxiety. it changed my life!!

Shaylynn said...

B.

Can I just say this is my most favorite post you have ever done? That you've vulnerable & honest. I loved your words. I love you too;)

And I love how you think you own songs, you SO do not own them. You co-own a lot with me. I will stick with you owning Braile that is all.

And I love how you blogged about somethign being "mine" today, so did I.

Love you. Oh & I laugh at least once a week when I think of you as a child hauling butt across the street afriad of Tremors:)

Shaylynn said...

& there is nothing offensive about your post. I needed to hear these words today.

Crystal said...

This is very admirable! I don't take meds wither...even though I am admittedly coocoo sometimes. Nice song, too.

xo

Cassie said...

As a person who cannot express themselves through words, thank you! Giving birth and messing with my hormones left me with anxiety. I love how you describe it, and that we share a common remedy.